The Curse of ‘Negative’ Pleasures

Many things motivate us to action.

A desire for pleasure, happiness, and fulfilment, to name a few.

But not all motives are created equal.

Indeed, some things that seem to bring us happiness/pleasure actually only bring us the illusion of it.

These things I call 'negative’ pleasures.

And if we want to find real happiness, we need to understand the difference between these ‘negative’ pleasures and what we might call 'positive’ pleasures.

Negative Pleasures

To better understand ‘negative’ pleasures, imagine someone smoking a cigarette for the first time.

Before the cigarette, they are feeling pretty good about life, and their average happiness is, let’s say, 70 out of 100.

But after smoking the cigarette, they feel a ‘high’ that takes them to 80 out of 100.

After smoking for some weeks, however, they grow addicted to cigarettes and now feel a craving for them. When subject to this craving, their average happiness drops from 70 to 60 out of 100.

Then they smoke a cigarette, the craving passes, and they go back to 70.

Since they feel a 10-point rise in happiness, they experience a kind of ‘pleasure’, but it is a ‘negative’ pleasure in that it only returns them to their base happiness level. It is not taking them to ‘positive’ places.

Or take the example of this same person when they are super thirsty. The thirst takes them down from 70 to, say, 55. Then they drink some water and feel a rush of ‘happiness’ as they return to 70.

But once again, this pleasure/happiness is what I’d call ‘negative’ since it doesn’t take them higher than their average state.

These first two examples are physical, but ‘negative’ pleasures can also be emotional/psychological.

For instance, imagine this same person has been working at home for some time and hasn’t seen anyone for a few days. Now they are lonely, so their happiness levels drop from 70 to, say, 50. Then they catch up with some friends, their loneliness passes, and they shoot back to 70.

But once again, in this example, the 20-point happiness rise only returns them to ‘zero’ (i.e. their base happiness level). So their happiness is, in a sense, illusory. It is simply the removal of their ‘pain’.

Of course, sometimes you can have a mixture of positive and negative pleasures. In the above example, for instance, this person may have risen from 50 to 75, in which case 5 of the happiness points were positive, while the majority were negative.

Even so, it’s worth noting that meeting up with the friends maybe wasn’t as amazing as we thought.

Now, I understand that life is about balance, but my point is simply that we can easily come to the wrong conclusions about things because we don’t fully understand the underlying dynamics of what truly makes us happy.

This is especially true – and critical! – when it comes to our goals and desires.

Often we rush (lust!) after things, certain that they will fulfil us / bring us joy / happiness when, at best, they will only grant us ‘negative’ pleasures.

For instance, deep down, we feel worthless or unlovable, so we decide to work hard to become rich and famous.

Then, even if we do succeed in reaching our goals, we realize that they don’t actually bring us the lasting joy we were looking for.

Our feeling of worthlessness/unlovability caused us to suffer and, at best, achieving our goals helped bring us back to ‘happiness level zero’.

That, I believe, is why so many celebrities who achieve a big goal say they feel more relief than anything else.

Their success eases their pain, but that is all.

So you might say that a good part of most people’s goals have ‘negative’ motivation.

They are trying to fill a hole within us. They are trying to ease our pain rather than bring us true happiness.

As such, they often lead us down the wrong path – one that is neither in alignment with the core of our being nor fulfilling.

This makes me think of the saying: “You don’t want to get to the top of the ladder only to realize it is standing up against the wrong wall!”

So many people work tirelessly for years to fulfil a goal, only to eventually realize it was a goal that would never truly fulfil them!

Positive Pleasures

What’s the solution then?

How can we escape the tyranny of ‘negative’ pleasures?

To find things that truly satisfy us, we need to understand the other category of 'pleasures', those of the ‘positive’ variety.

If we return to our example of the super-thirsty person, let’s imagine that they have sated their thirst and are now neither thirsty nor full. Then let’s imagine them sipping a gloriously delicious smoothie.

In this case, they are sitting happily on 70, and the smoothie takes them up to, say, 78.

A pure ‘positive’ pleasure.

Or let’s return to our lonely person and imagine they have done some inner work and now feel good by themselves. Maybe they meditate, do yoga, and have an excellent flow of chi throughout the day. So they are totally content to be alone.

If this person catches up with friends, the pleasure of their company will now be purely positive. They are not filling a lack or trying to escape from a negative situation. Rather, they are simply building on the wellbeing of their everyday state.

So what we notice here is that ‘positive’ pleasures are not associated with any sense of ‘lack’.

This is exactly what we should aim for when setting ‘goals’.

We don't want to strive to become famous because our parents didn't love us or our high school teachers said we'd always be failures.

Rather, we want to be motivated by what I'd call inspiration.

Here, we feel an intuitive ‘push’ to act in some way, and we follow it.

In such cases, the idea of acting on our intuition will fill us with excitement, with life!

Maximizing Positive Pleasures

This may all sound great, but how do we maximize our chances of experiencing positive pleasures?

We start by recognizing our true motives for doing things.

Then, if we realize we are coming from a place of lack, we do what we can to eliminate this lack. Maybe we take a few deep breaths, meditate, or do something else that helps us feel whole. Then, and only then, do we make our decision.

It’s a bit like not going to the supermarket when we’re hungry. If we do, we’re likely to buy double as much food!

Similarly, if our decisions come from a place of lack, we'll decide to do all sorts of stupid things.

Naturally, few – if any people – will be perfect in this regard.

But a worthy goal isn't necessarily about perfection but rather constant improvement. In the case in point, it’s about increasing the ratio of positive to negative pleasures.

And as I said, becoming aware of the difference between the two is the first key step.

So have fun analyzing your true motives, enjoy maximizing your positive pleasures, and delight in a more authentic kind of happiness.